Sunday, November 1, 2009

Gorging Grampa

I have a grandfather who I love dearly, but can be extremely annoying. He currently lives in Puerto Rico but when he comes to visit the family, he usually overstays his welcome. We really wouldn't mind it much but my grandfather is not only a loud mouth but a slob!

He walks around the house as if it's his own. Everyday he wakes up at 4:30 in the morning making coffee and yelling at the yop of his lungs to my grandmother (it's just the way he talks, he always sounds angry). So of course he ends up waking up everyone else. We come downstairs and always smell this awful aroma as if an animal died in our house (but it's him passing gas on the sofa) while he watches Telemundo and spills coffee and breadcrumbs on his clothes and floor.

When it's time for everyone to wash up, he's in the bathroom for an hour and 15 minutes (most of that time he's combing and spraying his hair to perfection). When he finally steps out of the bathroom, our nose hairs burn off from the overpowering perfume he sprayed on his body for about 3 minutes!

He always walks downstairs to see if my mom is cooking and if she isn't he's asking her every 5 mins when she will (he loves to eat). When it's finally time for lunck and dinner, he's the first one at the table. We all grab a seat and start eating. My grandfather starts up a conversation about something he saw on the news or something the everyone could care less for. But once his mouth opens, food starts flying everywhere!! I once had a chunk of his food fly onto my plate. I was done eating after that. Crumbs are all over his lap, the floor and table.He's always coughing food up because he's eating extremely fast. And on top of that he belches after every meal.

He usually comes to visit for a week but ends up staying for 3, so you can imagine the intense cleaning we have to go through EVERYDAY. Once it's his time to leave, he hugs me extremely hard (breaking every bone in my fragile body) and rubs the top of my head saying "I love you girl!You be good for your mom and make sure you get married by next year around Christmas because that's the next time I'll be here". My grandfather can be annoying but beacuase he is family we cherish it all.

Submitted By: Shavon, Illinois

As annoying as your grandfather is it's not you I feel bad for. You mentioned he's still with your grandmother! That poor woman. I believe in learning to accept the quirky things your spouse does but this is above and beyond. Granny gets the Nobel for Peace not having destroyed this man by now.

1 comment:

  1. Family is a bit like that. Quirky ways and habits. We all have them. Just maybe as we get older, we just get... ummm... quirkier. I'm not sure if there is such a word though!